Updated: Apr 9, 2021
What I went through to be who I AM now.
The following will go into detail around my personal journey around my "awakening" and the story of how I left my "dream life" to pursue my calling.
“I will always be an advocate for filling your cup FIRST and gifting the overflow to the world.”
I have always known that I was put on this planet to help people through creativity. It has been my driving force for as long as I can remember.
The Dream Life
My educational career is a bit all over the place. I traveled to 3 schools to obtain an Interior Design Degree and an Industrial Design degree. All this really means is I like art and design. It fills me with joy and is a language I understand. During this time, I was really struggling to find a career that satisfied my life's driving force. With these degrees, creativity was in the bag, but how the heck was I going to help people? This question plagued me for YEARS. Then randomly, one of my professors (shout out to Professor Klein) found me at school one day and said, "in one of my other classes we are going to explore this 3D printing company in the Healthcare industry, and I think you might like it- do you want to come?" Holy moly was he right. I did not just like it- I LOVED it.
This started what would become my corporate career. For the second time in my life, I had the opportunity to live out two realities through one situation. It was a dream- a small company fueled by super talented people and a drive to help.
My first position on this journey was what we called an Image Processor. I would work in a program called Mimics and literally "colored" the layers of a CT scan to convert it to a usable 3D file (STL). This was about the 3rd step in the company wide process to ship a medical device out the door. I took great pride in the quality and speed of my work. I was so inspired, and my mind was hungry for more.
The company was then acquired by a larger corporation called. We were upgraded to a cool building that had a Google-life feel to it. WHAT A DREAM! On top of that, my family were healthy, I had made some amazing friends, and I was in a long-term relationship with a pretty great guy. This was one of the happiest times of my life. I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be.
The years went on and corporate culture seeped over the small company vibe. It was an experience to watch the energy shift from small and intimate to large and dominating. During this experience, I learned why it makes "cents" how corporations function like they do.
The company wide professionalism kept growing and we really became a leader in our industry. It was so fun to be on the cutting edge of the healthcare and technology worlds. In my opinion, there is a large energetic price to pay to be in this position. There was literally innovation and well-oiled systems being tended to and dreamed up on the daily. It was exciting and exhausting.
My final position on my corporate journey was one I will keep with me for the rest of my days. Truly the career avatar of my dreams. I was given the opportunity to work with a small startup, specifically on their custom metal implant line. This was the most challenging and most fascinating 5 years of my life. I got to work for my company and the startup at the same time (I became essentially a contract designer for the startup). The startup prioritized the patients' needs and surgeons experience over everything. The innovation that we were able to dream up and execute together was nothing short of magic.
When I first started on this line, one implant would take me about 1.5 days to design (we were creating the flow and learning printing tolerance, etc. at this time) and a minimum of 8 weeks to ship it out the door (there are many processes a 3D printed metal implant goes through: design, print, heat treat, support removal, sterilize). By the time I left, I was personally usually managing/ watching ~20 cases, could design a pelvic implant in about 2 hours, and we had made several shipments in under 4 weeks. We were a well-oiled machine that was constantly seeking to be better. On top of this, we were in the customs/ last resort space. So, we had a lot more freedom for innovation. By the end I had worked on all types of areas of the body and was truly a part of orthopedic oncology history. Through this experience I learned the meaning of service and that almost nothing is impossible.
Sounds amazing, right?!
It was. I will never say it wasn't. It was also EXHAUSTING. I mean it got to a point where I was so depleted that I just fell into puddles of exhaustion. I was finding it harder and harder to show up in any part of my life but my work. I was depleted. The energy I was putting into my work was in imbalance with the energy I was receiving (from myself and others). I had emptied my cup. Emptying my cup gave me the knowing I needed to pay attention to it. I never want it to be empty again, and when it happens, I will know that it is time to reevaluate once again. Because of this I will always be an advocate for filling your cup FIRST and gifting the overflow to the world.
Now, there is a lot more to life than one part of a story can tell. As any life, I had personal difficulties going on as well as huge celebrations, disappointments, discomfort, and triumphs. In this intro to my story, I wanted to start with my corporate experience because I had made it. I was living my "dream life." It was my first dream career; I was really freaking good at it too. And I still left. I knew in my heart I needed to start considering and planning for a change in direction. (I was in denial of this for at least 1-2 years, at least.)
I started my personal development journey through a company called Landmark Worldwide. It had been suggested to me 5 years before I was depleted enough to invest in myself and to admit I needed something that wasn't in my current tool-box.
Now, it does not take everyone to have a low moment in their life to finally decide to explore the unknown, but it is one path I know of to a spiritual awakening. What I got from my participation in the Landmark Forum (and subsequently the "Curriculum for Living") was the responsibility I hold regarding MY participation in MY life. I realized that I had a hand in EVERYTHING that has to do with ME. Everything. Through Landmark I developed my leadership and entrepreneur muscles and got friendly with how "The Victim" role was running my life. More on that later.
From May 2019 to the foreseeable future, I will love personal development. Landmark was my first step. From then I have heavily invested in my personal development. Personal development gave me life. It filled my cup faster than I knew possible and took me on the most epic emotionally healing journey my heart and soul were searching for.
Today I am a confidant, loving, authentic, compassionate, playful witch who is here to spread compassion and love to all beings. The fact that I am excited writing that, instead of mentally freaking out what others are going to say or think, is just one example of why I love this work so much.
My personal biggest breakthrough has been taking my choice back. Y'all, decisions were petrifying for me. Choosing ANYTHING was paralyzing. Especially if my decision was going to affect another human. I needed all the information, full picture of the situation, emotions and all, from all parties, before I could utter anything that even resembled an opinion or choice. I would usually make a decision and follow it up with "but I don't care, so if you have a preference we can do that." I had no personal sense of power. I was constantly insulting my soul by letting life happen to me instead of being an active participant. My soul got tired of this behavior. Today, I wouldn't say all decisions are easy for me, but I can say that they are no longer paralyzing, and in some cases, dare I say, thrilling. At this point I realize-the harder, the more potential.
*I want to sidebar here for just a moment. As you know if you have made it this far- I had obtained my dream career. I had to have been making choices for that to manifest, right? Right! The kicker here is that I manifested my dream life with my heart and my driving force to help people through creativity. Not my mind. My mind helped me see the actions I need to take, but the actual dream and vision came from my heart. I trust my heart, so there is little resistance once things start flowing in the direction of my hearts desires. If my heart is telling me to do something- eventually I will do it.
Ok, back on track. So, with my professional experience draining my cup and my personal development filling my cup to massive overflow- I knew it was time to make the switch. This was my new dream. I knew I had obtained the professional skills I needed and my heart was calling me to step into the possibility of being there for anyone looking for my particular brand of medicine/ magic.
January 29th, 2021- I bet on myself and those who I serve. I left my title of Senior Biomedical Designer to step into the role of Self Exploration Coach | Voice Dialogue Facilitator. And here we are now. Welcome to the beginning of my next great adventure.
Thank you for reading my story. It means more than I can express. Your energy is valuable, and I appreciate your attention. Sending you love and gratitude.
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